My 34th Birthday Wish...Has Already Come True

You know each year you are supposed to blow out the candles on your birthday cake and make a wish.  When I was a child I even got asked to make a list of things that I wanted for my birthday (yes, I even remember the beautiful grass green corduroy pants from JCrew my mom actually got me).  Yet, tonight, when I was thinking of what I would wish for again, or to make a list of what I would want…I came up with a very different set of thoughts than in years past.

I think it goes without saying that many people in life have to lose something to realize how good things really were, let go of someone to know how much they meant to them, or face a wall of reality to come to the conclusion how wonderful things actually were.  I wish never to have to do that.  I want to be able to see all of the good around me.  I want to realize how wonderful my life is and the people who are in it.  I want to embrace today and live with no regrets, being optimistic and ready for tomorrow.  Those are my wishes and my wants.

So, right now, I want to take a second to say those things out loud.  It’s been 34 years…34 great years, full of memories, great friends, moments, and so many life experiences. 

34 years ago on October 3, 1978, my Mother delivered a breech baby. I know that day everyone talked about me…what a sad baby I looked like (yep, breech will make you look very pitiful to begin with) but they were all abuzz over the new Evans boy: Matthew Edward.  Yet, my Mom carried me for those nine months…through the summer.  What a trooper she was and I am so thankful that she did.  If not for her, I wouldn’t be here today.  In fact, if not for my family (my Mammaw & Pappaw and my Granny & Grandpa), my Mom & Dad wouldn’t have been together to create me.  So, for their love for each other, I also give thanks.

Over the years I have had so many people who have made such a positive difference in my life.  My first grade teacher Miss Melgren, that reading group in third grade who giggled when I couldn’t read out loud efficiently (yep…got a ‘b’ that quarter…one of the two I received in school…the other was in 6^th grade, I think), JR Hutcheson for telling on me for slapping Natalie Royer on her back while we were in line in front of the building in 5^th grade.  Yes, those odd events shaped me into the person I am today.  In fact, just three weeks ago I was looking at all of the stuff I had done in K-5 (my Mom has actually kept EVERYTHING) and I can see that Christmas & Meteorology have always been extreme interests of mine. Oops.  I digress.

Moving on forward.  I recall Mary Lou at Forbes drug store making me come pick up my candy bar off the floor after I slid it across the counter, or me taking medication to the shut-ins when I was working there in high school, and being a soda jerk for five years (freshman in hs through freshman summer in college). 

Helping the family with funerals, walking down to get lunch at the Donut Shop, drawing out how I wanted to restore the iconic downtown Melba theatre, and visiting with Sandy at the bank whenever I would drop by down there. 

These were experiences, some so very small, that shaped my life, taught me to respect others, and revealed to me the importance of community. 

I moved on from the small town world of Houston, MO and to the ‘big city’ of Springfield.  I stumbled many times.  I would spend too much money and would go sheepishly home to ask for help.  I worked for a business that I considered legalized loan sharks, but it paid my bills.  Then, something changed in me.  I needed a change.  I found the non-profit world.  A new universe in which a community came together to do as a group consciousness what I was taught growing up to do in life.  What an amazing world it was!

Today, I count myself one of the fortunate people in our community to share the non-profit stage with so many phenomenal and giving individuals: Volunteers, staff members, board members, mentors, peers, donors, partners, and so many more. 

I belong.  I am so humbled and honored to be a part of this community.  I have always been proud of my upbringing and those who have made an impact on my life.  In the entire world, my life may be fairly insignificant.  However, they say that a butterfly’s wings in Brazil can create a tornado in Texas.  I know that I am one of those butterflies fluttering alongside so many beautiful others. 

If I am given the opportunity to live another 34 years, I hope to see that ‘tornado’ manifest itself into a glorious change…one that each person who has contributed to it can be proud of.  I also thank you, to everyone in my life yesterday, today, and tomorrow for contributing to who I have been, who I am, and who I am going to be.  I am humbled and so grateful to have each and every one of you in my life.  Your friendships and support are the best gifts a 34 year-old man could ever ask for, and I am eternally thankful.

Peace.

Integrity

in·teg·ri·ty/inˈtegritē/Noun:
1) The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
2) The state of being whole and undivided: "territorial integrity".

Synonyms: honesty - probity - entirety - rectitude - wholeness

This word came up today in conversation with a friend and I.  They referred to me as a person of integrity.  I took that as a complement...however, upon thinking more about that (and then seeing a car which had the word on the side of it) I figured I would look it up.  As I perused on-line for the definition, because lord knows I am not sure where a dictionary would be in my house, I felt more and more humbled that someone would use that term for me.  However, I am trying really hard to accept complements and will take it to heart, but in doing so, I must give credit where credit it due.

I was very fortunate growing up to be a part of a very tight-knit family...one which I loved with all of my heart.  I respected each of my family members and looked up to them for guidance, love, and instruction on how to live my life.  I think that my greatest teacher was my Mammaw.  She always corrected me (lovingly, of course) on my posture, my grammar, which side of the street I was walking on with a lady (men should always walk closet to the street...Mammaw said this was so people would know she was not 'for sale' but I have since been told that etiquette-wise this is due to puddles - if a car drives past through a puddle then the man gets wet/dirty), and not to carry my soda cup with me in public.  The last one, I of course, have not abode by very well (or at all).  LOL.

Anyway, back to integrity.  I will not forget my first lesson on integrity.  It was actually taught to me through my little sister Misty (very little at the time).  We always got to play in the desk at the funeral home (pronounced, for this story, 'pfoonrol home') and I always took to task of counting the change and the dollars.  Man, I was a little nerd even as a kid.

So, the story goes, that we had been at the pfoonrol home and got home.  Misty went to the living room and started emptying her pockets full of money.  My Mom, I am sure equally amused and horrified (as her daughter was one of the youngest thieves in recorded time), asked her where she got this newfound wealth.  Misty looked up and with glee shouted "pfoonrol home! pfoonrol home!"  Thereafter, Misty was told to get all of the money together and we trudged back to the funeral home where she had to tell Mammaw and Pappaw what she had done.  Frankly, she probably got a spanking, but I do not honestly recall.

Later on in life, Pappaw shared with me that there is not one person you meet who is less than you.  You are no better than anyone else and you treat each person with respect.  He also told me never to judge someone; if I judged someone as poor based on the clothing that they wore or the car that they drove, I would be sorely mistaken in many cases.  I live this to this day.  I KNOW that I am no better than anyone else.  I may have had a life that many would have considered privileged or lucky, but it doesn't make one anything more than someone else.  I do not have all of the life experiences of so many others.  I have had some horrible moments over the past years and in my life, it has been a difficult road to hoe because of who I am.  However, it makes no difference.  We all require blood, oxygen, food, shelter, and water.  We all NEED the same things.

I think it is this upbringing, and then working in the title loan business for 5 years, that led me to non-profit.  Yep, I may not have a dollar to my name a few times a month (that was actually the honest truth recently), but I am so rich in the quality of friends, family, peers, and acquaintances that I have.  In fact, in that regard, I dare say I am one of the richest young men I know.  So, I might not be able to purchase a Beamer, but guess what, I wouldn't trade that for my friends on any day of the week.

So, not only did I have an upbringing teaching me integrity, but I have had so many great teachers in my recent history who have taught me what it means to LIVE with integrity.  I can think of so many of my friends who actually walk the walk and talk the talk.  I strive to emulate them as much as I can.  Seeing them be the best people they can be and making a positive difference in the world gives me hope in the world and the desire to be more like them.

The friend who said this to me today, is one with a great deal of integrity.  She and her husband both are such outstanding individuals who have raised a phenomenal family and who have and DESERVE the utmost respect from everyone.  I am honored to call them my friends and because of this, I am greatly humbled at their complements.

I will say this, as I know most of those who read my blog. Each person has the capability of showing a great deal of integrity.  A majority of those who will read this, I know DO show that each and every day.  Thank YOU for being ones of integrity and showing those around you the meaning of the word.  

Peace.

The Story of Kyan

I am writing today on behalf of someone who I know very well and wants their story to be told, but does not want to be identified.  However, their story is important to be told and I felt that I would tell it on my blog. 

This is not an uplifting story and one that is harsh.  So, if you wish not to read something bothersome, please pass over this post and go to one of my others.  I am very serious on this and beg you, if you do not want to read something that is sad, but true, please stop reading.

I have someone who I am very close to who had a horrific thing happen to them almost two months ago.  It was not their fault, and they have chosen to move forward positively in life and not let the negativity of the event keep them down.  For that, I am grateful and thank God above for his graciousness and mercy to allow people to prosper and grow from bad situations.

This young man, we will call him Kyan, was invited by an older fellow, and well-respected man, who he respected very much, we will refer to him as Bill, for drinks and dinner to celebrate an achievement he had recently been given.  Excitedly, Kyan called many people and let them know about this.  He thought he might be getting a job offer or something of the sort and was truly honored to have his mentor invite him over for a private drink.  His community is fairly small, and any occurrence like this is usually one that signals growth professionally.  One of his other mentors told him to dress like a job interview, because ‘you want to dress to impress.’  Kyan did just that and waited patiently to meet up for this intriguing meeting.

On his way, Kyan stopped by and met some other friends and told them what was happening.  They were also excited for him as they knew how much he wanted to succeed in the community and this was very likely a stepping stone for him.  They wished him well and he went on his way.

When Kyan got there, Bill welcomed him in and poured him a drink.  Bill’s wife and kids were out of town so it would just be them.  They talked shop and how things were going for a little while.  Then, they proceeded to dinner.  Kyan said something struck him odd.  Nothing ‘private’ was discussed during that time, and that didn’t really make sense to him.  But, then again, they were friends and he guessed that was normal, so he didn’t put much thought into that.

Their dinner was good and they discussed a little more about the community and life in general.  After about an hour, I guess, they decided to head back to the house where Kyan’s car was.  Upon arrival, Bill invited Kyan to have a drink on the back porch before he left and he said okay.  They chatted about Kyan’s life and some of the ups and downs he had encountered since coming to their town.  Kyan told a sad story about something and that is when Bill hugged him.  Kyan said that was when he knew something was really off.  The hug was too long.  He pushed away and sat back down.  Bill told him that he was going to make another drink and said he’d pour him one too.  Kyan, while Bill was inside, texted a friend and asked them to help get him out of the situation.  They concocted a plan that would give Kyan a few minutes to wrap things up and then leave. 

When Bill came back out, Kyan’s phone rang.  His friend told him to come home to meet her and he said he would.  After hanging up he told Bill he had only a few more minutes.  Bill said that he loved to dance and had put on some tunes.  He asked Kyan to come in and dance to a couple songs before he left.  Now, this sounded even more weird.  However, in Kyan’s defense, I have a friend whose Mother LOVES to dance (and she is kinda funny when she does) so I understand how sometimes you just have to let the older generation off the hook with things like that. 

In any case, Kyan went in and to his relief it was uptempo music.  Nothing weird about that, except for the fact they were two guys randomly dancing.  Then, his phone rang again, and his friend asked where he was.  He told them he was just getting ready to leave, loud enough for Bill to hear.  Once he hung up, Bill said to stay for one more song, it was coming up next.  Kyan, not being the most assertive guy ever, said ok.  Then, the slow song came on and Bill made a move.  He reached around Kyan and began to make out with him and caressing him. 

Kyan freaked out inside, but was afraid for his job and his reputation in the community if he freaked out loud.  He told Bill that was enough.  Bill kept saying that it was okay and that he had wanted him for a long time.  Kyan said Bill’s hands went places that he cannot even talk about to me.  He continuously took the hands off his body and kept re-buckling his belt.  He said he glanced over his shoulder and saw a picture of Bill’s wife.  He got close to vomiting.  Some of the things Bill said to him, I will not repeat, but Kyan managed to move backwards toward the door even with the incident occurring.  He said no and that it wasn’t going to happen and that he had to go.  Bill was relentless and did not want him to leave.  Kyan managed to get to the door where Bill asked for him to come back later and if he was okay to drive home.  Kyan said, later, that the events sobered him up so quickly and that frankly, he didn’t care if he was drunk or not…he had to get away. 

Kyan ended up making it back to the friends he had met earlier.  He was in pieces, but managed to try his hardest not to break down in public. 

The next four days Kyan was deeply depressed, but talked about the occurrence with his friends and talked to some people who could help him through.  He chose not to press charges yet…as he said he believes in forgiveness and hopes that Bill never does it to anyone else again.

I can’t say for certain that Kyan is over the event or that he ever will be.  I have read up on things like this and it seems to be more of the rule instead of the exception these days…which to me is very sad.  Why must people act so selfishly and hurt people? 

Not that this matters, but Kyan is a gay male who is single.  He has tried his hardest to live his life above reproach and this event cut right to his belief that others could see that he is doing that.  I have encouraged him to believe that he IS doing well in life and that just because one asshole thinks something different doesn’t mean that the rest of the world does.  I know that Kyan will be okay and is going to be successful in the future.  As for Bill, I am a firm believer in the idea that you reap what you sow or Karma…whatever it might be…he will get his just desserts in the end.

So, for my friends, I ask that you say a little prayer for Kyan and remember that there are so many stories like this out there that are never told.  So many Kyan’s in the world who persevere and whose stories need to be shared.  I know that Kyan will get there soon.  He is a very strong-willed and passionate individual who won’t let the Bill’s of the world get the best of him. 

We all have our stories.  We are all Kyan. I am Kyan. Tonight I thank God, my friends, and family for their continued support in everything I do.  Without them, I am not sure where I would be.  Thank you all.

Peace.

I Like Wearing White Pants

Yep.  That would be me.  The guy who likes to wear white pants.

Watching Fashion Star tonight made me want to wear my white pants every other day.  Of course, on alternating days I would like to wear salmon and sea foam green (for good measure, obviously).

Why do I share this love for white pants?  Because I can.  Yes my friends.  I CAN love white pants.  Not ALL white pants though.  I am not a fan of white denim.  I mean, really, can you really make white denim look that good?  I guess if they were very full, and you wore them with some really awesome shoes and had abs of steel so you could go shirtless (then you would also need a kickass tan)...you MIGHT be able to pull it off, but I, personally, will not be wearing white denim on my even numbered days.

Then the ultimate question comes up.  How do you keep white pants clean throughout the day?  This is a very valid question and one that I thought of numerous times during my routine this morning.  I apparently wipe the side of my sonic cup in the morning to displace any condensation and then set the cup in between my legs while driving.  I caught myself before wiping the condensation on my pants...you never know if that water has pooled with a galactic mass of dust, which as you touch your white pants expands into a light brown stain, formerly known as clear water.  So...I caught myself in mid-air and slapped my hand away from the pants.  Yes, my right hand did, in fact, know what the left hand was doing.  Obviously the homeless fellow with the Sharpie written sign did not know what I was doing, but seriously, doesn't he have other important things to think about?

Actually, that brings me to the question we all want to know.  Where do many of the people on the off-ramps find Sharpies to write with?  I can never find a Sharpie myself, IN MY HOUSE, let alone if I were homeless.  And, they usually do not use those fine-point Sharpies...they have to use the kind that give you a high immediately upon opening the lid.  Well, I guess maybe there are people, who instead of giving the people on the corner money, give them Mega Sharpies.  I have never observed this happen, but it could be possible.  For now, I am still going to save my dollars for those who have used a pen and the bottom of the beer carton they found in the ditch.

I guess, though, I can't read their signs, so in theory they could say, "Hey you.  If you can read this sign, you are too damn close...watch the road" or "I don't want your stinking dollars...I just want a Mega Sharpie."  In any case, I hope they are okay with the dollar.

The dollar.  Yes, we are wandering through a very random thought process tonight. Kind of like word association.  The almighty dollar.  Let us trace how the dollar I just gave the homeless man got there.  First of all, our government decided that they were going to print a zillion dollars and sent them out to the banks to be shared with the masses.  The dollar was then passed on to Mabel.  She is 92 years old and thinks that she is a very powerful business woman (she actually lives in a Motel 6 on the interstate in Bakersfield, CA) and goes to the bank every day to pick up 40 'crisp' business cards.  Did I mention that she thinks her name is George?  Thank goodness she didn't think her name was Ben...that would get expensive...but her clients would LOVE her.  Anyway, Mabel (aka George) goes to the city park and talks to the pigeons about her brilliant plans to create macramé covers for the Model T seats.  As she shares this brilliant idea she passes out her business cards to the listeners.  Of course, after one taste of the 'cards' the pigeons politely pass them on to the children who gather round daily and learn about Henry Ford, or wait on dollars...whatever.

So, the dollar ends up in the hands of Rodney Maurice Guiegenhenker III, a 10 year old child prodigy who invests a dollar a day in penny stocks.  Rodney (or 'R' as his close friends call him), takes his dollar to his broker, Bob.  Yep, 'R' has a broker named Bob.  Bob takes the dollar, buys 100 stocks at an even penny a piece.  Within 30 minutes 'R' has made $34,298 and heads back to the park where his Nanny will just be waking up from her daily nap.

Meanwhile Bob runs up to the convenience store to buy a bottle of gin.  Yep, Bob always bets against 'R' and daily drinks away his animosity toward the 10-year-old.  The clerk at the convenience store takes the money from Bob and shakes his head as he watches Bob hobble back to his workplace (did I mention that Bob has one leg six inches shorter than his other?  Hence the name Bob.  Yep...he had parents with a sick sense of humor).

So, now the dollar changes hands with the clerk at the 7-11, a little old man who had to run in to buy a bag of M & M's before his sugar crashed, a gang member who mugged the little old man, but who was kind enough to leave the M & M's (can't have little old men going into coma's in my blog), then we end up in the purse of an as-of-today-former prostitute, Candy.  Yep.  Candy.  Real original, right?  Well, Candy had made her final dollar on the streets of Bakersfield and loaded up on the Megabus and headed to Amish Country in Pennsylvania.  On her way there she stopped in Kingston, AZ, Amarillo, TX, OKC, OK, and Springfield, MO.  In Springfield, she had to stop the bus so that she could visit the restroom, where she realized that she was pregnant.  In a state of panic she bought ten pregnancy tests and realized that it was just gas.  Before getting back on the bus, she gave the clerk ten ones for two fives.  She really likes to have 'bigger' bills, of course.  The Amish like that, she has heard.

The clerk at the station is immediately staring at the end of a pistol.  The customer behind Candy was getting ready to hold the station up.  The clerk hands over the contents of the cash register:  11 ones and three stamps.  (Way to hold up the wrong gas station, weirdo) As the attendant watches the robber drive off in their Hummer, he calls the cops.  Not 5 miles away the cops pull over the Hummer and arrest the man...but not before he tosses all 11 of the dollar bills in to the wind.  "There goes all your proof!" he exclaims, right before the police throw him onto the ground.  Really, this one was not the brightest crayon in the box.

The dollars fly away down Chestnut and over Kansas Expressway, where an unsuspecting bicyclist is on their way to work (it is Walk, Bike, or Bus to work week after all).  The dollar hits him smack dab in the face.  He grabs the dollar and immediately heads to Sonic.  It is Happy Hour!  Down to Commercial Street he goes where he orders a Cream Slush treat, only to find out that a Cream Slush treat is not actually a slush when it comes to Happy Hour (should have picked the Diet Coke).  Grudgingly he gives his dollar, plus two more, to the very happy car hop.  She runs inside and takes the next order.  It is a Route 44 Diet Coke with easy ice and lime.  As the driver pulls up and hands her a five, she reaches in her pocket and hands me the dollar bill.

As I drive off, I see a fellow on the corner with a sign made out of what appears to be white denim with pen writings on it.  I respect a homeless person who uses a pen (and does not think white denim is for wearing), so I give him the dollar as I drive past.  He yells something to me, I assume a "Thank you kind sir."  I drive off.

The man on the corner was actually not saying "Thank You."  The real words he yelled were, "Hey!  I know the lady who hands out these business cards!"

White denim, Sharpies, and a dollar bill.  The morale of the story:  If you are going to feed the pigeons your business cards...next time please think that your name is Ben! :)

Peace.

Yes, It is ALWAYS Creditworthy

Amazingly, I have made it through another Monday.  I am always encouraged when I find myself at home and breathing on a Monday evening.  It means that I, in fact, lived to see another Tuesday (or at least a Monday evening).  However, this day did not come without a couple of 'moments.'

Close your eyes.  Well, figuratively close your eyes, or you can't continue reading this and then the whole idea is kind of lost in an endless black space (aka the backs of your eyelids).  Continuing on...  Anyway, imagine with me, if you will, with your eyes OPEN; going to the post office and finding a weekly periodical with your picture in it.  Not only is it your picture, but one that you do not like AT ALL!!  In fact, you feel it makes you look 1) fat (seriously?!) and 2) not a happy person (can you say forced smile?  I NEVER have a forced smile, outside of the dentist's chair).  Ugh.  What a way to start out the day!  Oh well.  At least the writer didn't make you sound super self-centered.  In the future though, I am going to begin all things pertaining to my person as "We are..."  For example:  We are going to make a difference today.  We are going to do some work.  We are going to the bathroom.  Well...the last one might be a little odd...it's a work in progress.

No, in all seriousness, the writer for the Springfield Business Journal did an excellent job and I was very pleased with the article.  The picture...not so great (but the photographer can only take the picture...not MAKE the picture).  lol.

In any case, that is not exactly what this blog is about.  In fact, it pretty much has nothing to do with what this blog is about, come to think of it.  I just randomly rambled on about my morning, like anyone gives a flip.  But, then again, this IS my blog.  If I want to talk about the fact that I clipped my toenails this morning...I guess I will, and unfortunately, as a reader, you must make a quick-handed judgment on whether this might get better.  Then, you can go back to mindlessly wandering around the interweb, or continue on, hoping that I do not linger on my random facts about my toe nails and the stories that my toes might bring to my mind (i.e. How my parents bathroom in my childhood home led me to play the piano at church and how that is why my big toe on my right foot is not as smooth as all the others).  Fortunately, today, I shall not linger.  So...hopefully you decided to continue on reading.  If not, I am sure there is something on TMZ that is much more entertaining!

So, here is the meat and potatoes (figuratively...not literally).

I read something today that was appalling to me.  Not because of the actual overall piece of work, but because of the premise behind it.  (Note:  I do read A LOT of political stuff on-line, not that this was one of those pieces...but it could have been...now, you are wondering, eh?!)  In any case, I was reading this piece and, due to my extensive knowledge on the area of focus, I knew that the author was 1) citing things completely incorrectly and 2) was taking credit for a humongous amount of things that they should not be taking credit for.  I was immediately taken back to 2000, the year that Al Gore famously inferred that he invented the Internet.  Seriously?  Well, I guess I don't even know who invented the Internet, but believe it had something to do with the military.  I digress (as usual).

So, I sat there, staring at this piece of work.  I believe that it was intended to be a work of non-fiction, yet, because of what I knew, it was totally, 100% fiction.  It is kind of like the as-of-yesterday former Yahoo CEO:  If you lie about something on your resume and someone checks up on it...you WILL be found out.  Yes, I just rolled my eyes.  What a schmuck!  If you are going to apply for a job at the hot dog wagon, I can kind of see where you figure they might not check up on you, or if you applied at Enron, but Yahoo?  One word: Schmuck.  Therefore, if, in material you are trying to pass on as non-fiction you take credit for 1) inventing the Internet (or something kind of like that), 2) take credit for someone else's work (in writing this is called plagiarism and I believe in real-life is called low morals...kind of as low as the amoeba that lives on the bottom of the scum that clings to the bottom of my yard shoes after I have stepped in a pile of dog pooh) and 3) do not give any credit to the correct people (or in some instances, anyone at all), then you might be a bad person (or at the very least a delusional self-centered liar).  Then again, I hate it when people don't cite things at all.  I don't even like it when grammar is incorrect; and Lord knows I have no room to talk!  :)

So, with all of that said I think I CAN actually bring this around to the first part of my blog (which, in itself, is a miracle).  I got worried that I did not give credit to those who have helped me in my journey in life which allowed me to be selected as one of the 40 Under 40 (which is still a little unreal).  There have been TOO many people to give personal credit to.  However, EVERYWHERE I have worked, volunteered, shopped, eaten, traveled, etc. I have been able to succeed in whatever it is because of the wonderful people who have shared in my life's journey.  I am only one person and limited in my abilities.  Yet, with the love and support of so many people, I have been lifted up and have been able to help others as well.  We all know that it is not the power of one person that changes the world...it is we the people who work together to make positive change.

That song "We are the World" would have REALLY sucked if it was "I am the World."  I mean come on.  First of all, the two capital W's in the title help give it a little umph.  Secondly, who would we have sing it?  Oprah wasn't that great at that time, and Stevie Wonder does a great job...but a solo song?  Yep.  It takes a whole village to make a difference.  I am so proud to be a part of YOUR phenomenal village!!

Thank you to everyone who helps make this world an AWESOME place to be!  I appreciate you!!

Peace. 

Rose colored glasses

Last week, I was laying on the couch upstairs talking to one of my best friends.  We were talking about facebook and how interesting it is to 'catch up' with people by just looking at their pages.  I was telling her, laughingly, that someone had told me they were really thankful for my positivity on facebook.  They had said that so many people are negative and I looked right at my friend and said, "Really?  I haven't noticed anyone negative on facebook."  She stopped laughing with me, looked at me like I had fallen quickly off the turnip truck, and said, "Seriously? For real?"  I looked at her, taken aback from her response and stated that I really didn't notice people be negative on facebook.  She shook her head and we went back to talking about other "important" stuff.

However, this past week I have really wondered about that whole concept.  I think I might really wear some rose colored glasses on occasion.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Working at CASA does not allow one to go through life thinking that everything is coming up roses.  There is true evil in the world.  Kids are abused.  People abuse themselves.  The world has major atrocities going on.  I totally understand that and understand the gravity of the situations.  However, I am also someone who sees our glass as close to full instead of half-empty.  Granted we have so much more to put it in to make it overflow, but isn't life a work in progress?  I believe in the good of people...especially people I know.

Today, I was at the KSPR 33 Newsroom getting ready for an interview for our Run for a Child event on Saturday.  Another one of the guests was sitting next to me and I shook her hand and introduced myself.  She looked at me and said, "We are facebook friends."  Um...that is when I knew, 1) I am officially stressed out because 2) I said "really!?"  What a doofus I am sometimes.  When she told me who she was I was like, duh Matt.  You actually KNOW her and what a nimrod you look like now.  Anyway, we started talking about facebook and how it can be used as a vehicle for good.  Her example was how a prayer chain was started on facebook and how many people were praying within hours!  How amazing is that?!  I mean, think about it.  One post can go viral in such a short time.  Fortunately, for all the 'bad' posts that get attention, there are so many more out there promoting positive thoughts, grateful people, and just a sense that things are okay.

Even after all of this, I have not went on my news feed looking for the bad.  I choose not to do that.  In fact, I am not too concerned about seeing too many bad posts even if I did.  I don't have negative facebook friends.  Seriously.  You may look at my page and think, "right Matt...you know all of these people and they are all saints..."  Well.  I have to say, I don't just 'friend' anyone.  Seriously, if the devil requested me as a friend, I would look at the mutual friends and realize we don't have anyone in common (well, maybe my sister, but she has to be my friend...I can't really 'unfriend' her, as that would be in bad taste.  Sorry Misty.  Just had to throw you in there for a little giglle!)  Truly, though.  Check out my friends.  See how great they actually are.  Most of the posts I read are informative, jovial, thought provoking, and all around enjoyable.

After a couple weeks of messaging almost everyone I know asking for help for my cause, I have seen the awesome giving nature of those who I am fond of and with who I am friends.  Amazing people I say: Amazing People!

So, the next time you are down and out.  The next time you think that facebook is just a bunch of blah-say and down-and-out people, check out my friends.  I promise...they rock this world.  They are the most giving people I have ever known.  They give of their hearts, their pockets, and their lives.  Whatever they have and can give, they give to others.  Unemployed, underemployed, students, self-made individuals, musicians, artists, lawyers, politicians, Christians, Agnostics, straights, gays, kids, adults, men, women...the list goes on and on.  I am not here to judge anyone by a label.  I am here to know them by their fruits.  And, I will be the one to tell you what a fruitful bunch of people they are...YOU are.

If you are reading this, it is not because you found my random blog online.  You are reading it because you are somehow connected to the author.  That means this blog is about YOU.  Everything you have read is applicable to you and I am a better person because I have been blessed to have YOU in my life.

Thank you very much for everything you do to make my world, our world, a better place.  Many blessings.

Peace.

August Rush

You know I often talk about how you can make a difference.  How the little things you do can make a change.  Well...today is no different.

In fact, I was led to watch a movie yesterday, while I was sick on the couch, recommended by someone special.  In any case...the name of the movie was August Rush.  If you have not watched it yet, I highly recommend doing it, and doing it soon.  Excellent movie with an excellent storyline.

I am going to post the final rhapsody on facebook in just a little bit so that you can listen to it as well.  When you do, imagine that a 12 year old boy wrote the music.  Imagine that a child, who grew up with nothing, had something so special inside of him and because of the grace of God he was able to find his way to share his gifts and talents with the world.

The most awesome thing to take away from this is that it doesn't have to only be the grace of God that gets someone there.  It can be an opportunity provided by you, by me, by our friends, our neighbors.  I go back to my job, as I tend to do because I share that which I know best.  These kids are in situations that many of us can nary imagine.  However, who among us knows if that child who has been abused is the next child prodigy?  The next Beethoven, the next Abraham Lincoln, the next Einstein, or the next Shakespeare?  Yet, each moment we let pass that we do not make a change, we risk that gift being neglected.  Every second we let go on by is a second that may be the difference in the music being shared and silence encompassing a life...a life meant to ring out.

I can't express my gratitude toward those who volunteer of their time and talents and resources to make a difference in the lives of those around us.  I can only say that each of them give a voice to someone who needs that extra hand.  They provide the instrument that will enable the next Beethoven to write a beautiful symphony.  They give the courage to speak up and lead no matter what the final cost.  They help plant the seeds that can grow into knowledge that could help our future generations.  They enable the writer to have the pen that can share a sonnet that will last for lifetimes to come.

Our volunteers make a difference.  You may not see it today, maybe not tomorrow.  The impression that we make in the lives of others through giving of ourselves, selflessly and with a humble spirit is an impression that will be left for longer than any of us could ever know.

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  The world is a better place because you have given.  The world will be able to play, lead, believe and write because YOU made it possible.  You are the difference.  Keep making the difference - everyday.

Peace.

Amazing People

You know, I used to hate Mondays.  Then, about three months ago, I began to love them.  However, I loved them for a completely other reason than I do now.  Then, Mondays were a day to go back to work, get away from the house, not be alone.  That was a rough time for me.  I was not used to being alone.  Now...things are a little different (not that I ENJOY being alone, but I tolerate it much better).

Now, on Mondays I still enjoy going to work...because I love it very much.  However, I think Mondays provide a whole new beginning to the week.  A new slate to build on.  New things to be happy about and thankful for.

So, with this being the first day of the work week, I figured I would give a few shout outs to some people who made my day a little more special...those who helped keep the streak of 'good Mondays' going.

First of all, I would like to thank the cast of SMASH.  I know, super cheesy, but it always puts me in a great mood before bed, and the songs...I love to sing them (making me a YouTube downloading fool on Mondays).  :)

Now, to the "REAL" people.

Pat- Thank you for helping me make a 'check' of my life this morning.  I am getting used to this whole 'normal' thing you spoke of.  You know what I mean! :)  What a great friend and co-worker you are.  How can I be THIS lucky!?  Oh...and seriously, you don't have to answer that! :)

Lisa- Just getting to talk to you for a little bit today brought a smile to my face.  You always have a way of doing that and I appreciate it so much.  What would I do without having you as my friend!?

Meredith-  Word to you mom!  Seriously, you kicked some sorority butt tonight at MSU!  You are an awesome presenter and CASA is most fortunate to have you on our team!

Mauricio- Su bondad nunca deja de asombrarme. Le agradezco aceptarme con mis faltas y gracias por todo lo que usted ha hecho. Usted es una alegría verdadera y le aprecio muchísimo. I hope that is right.  :)

Karen- Thank you very much for thinking of me today.  That really meant a lot to me and I am truly grateful.  She is such a wonderful friend and I am so glad that she has you and Ashlee in her life as well.

Mike- Your messages today just cracked me up.  I think I might have laughed out loud a couple of times!  Hope the painting went well and I look forward to the classy social events TBD.  :)

Luke- Thank you for the kind words.  I know that you won't see this post, but I appreciate them very much and hope the best, as always.

Kat- So sad I missed our "Voice" night and dinner!  We can try again next week (at least the season isn't close to over!).  Love you guys.

Judy- You got to be the last person I talked to tonight, and as always you lifted my spirits higher than they were.  You have such a gift at being such a wonderful and inspiring friend (even if Mere says we are going to you know where!)  lol.

And...to everyone out there, who over the past few days have sent me congratulatory emails, texts, messages, and phone calls.  I am truly humbled and thank you so much for your kindness and recognition.  It is because of friends like you that I get to have great Mondays, great Tuesdays, and every other day of the week!!

As I said before, and I will continuously say, I have the BEST friends in the world.  I am so blessed and thankful for each and every one of you.  I only wish that I can give back to you half of what you have given to me.  You are AWESOME!!

Okay.  That is all for tonight.  Going to bed now...I think.  :)

Peace

Thanks to EVERY volunteer EVERYWHERE!

Yep.  My thoughts for today.  A very interesting day, to say the least!

I just want to say something about volunteers.  For non-profit organizations, our volunteers, our advocates, mentors, whatever title they may encompass, are the CORE of our organizations.  Without them, even if we had an excessive amount of donations, we could not do the work we do.  We could not meet our missions as they have been set forth.  Our volunteers in non-profit are AWESOME!!

I want to encourage everyone to take some time to thank those around you (and yourself if you do too) who volunteer of their time and efforts to help make a difference in our world!  Volunteering is most usually a selfless act that is worthy of so much praise and recognition.

I am reminded of the story of the poor woman in the Bible.  The Pharisee, who preceded her, gave a prayer and offering and made a spectacle of their outstanding gifts and prayed the most ornate and magnanimous prayer.  She followed humbly after with only a few coins and a soft spoken token of her thanks.  She gave all that she could give.  The Pharisee gave to be seen.

I am so thankful that the volunteers who give of their time to our agencies are like the poor woman.  I am not saying they are poor, by any means.  I am saying they are giving all which they can give.  They are giving of themselves.  Frankly, if our volunteers give of their time, that is plenty for me.  They excel at it and should be recognized for that.  If they are able to give monetarily as well, that is also so wonderful.  But we should never let it be about money over the volunteerism.

I guess where I am going here, is that we need to recognize our donors AND our volunteers (who are donors as well).  They are all donors, but we should very much recognize those who give of their time equal to those who give of their money.  It is a hard, hard thing to do if you try to combine them together and compare the gifts.  This is why we have times where we recognize our volunteers for that awesome and priceless contribution: volunteering.  And, why, when we recognize our monetary donors, we recognize them for those contributions.

Basically...what I am saying is there is one goal in our volunteers and our donors hearts.  The mission of our organization.  We recognize them for their excellent gifts they selflessly give to us and those who we serve.

Thank you to our volunteers who give all that they can.

Thank you to our donors who give with their hearts what is laid on them to give.

There is no point in trying to compare who is more important between our volunteers and donors.  THEY are our lifeblood.  THEY are non-profit.  THEY are our past, our present, and our futures.  We thank them all.  We need to thank them everyday.  Without them, we are like a Porsche without an engine; nice to look at but going nowhere.

Thank you all for being our engines.  We couldn't do it without you.

Personally, for today, I thank everyone in my life who has contributed to allowing me to grow and make a difference in the world around me.  I was honored today to find out I was selected for the Springfield Business Journal's 40 Under 40.  This is very humbling and brings me tears of gratitude.  Without my community, my family, my friends, my teachers, my peers, my history...I would not be able to even consider such an honor.  I think that Hillary Clinton put it best in the title of her book (which does not mean that I necessarily agree with the entire book...just commenting on the title right now), "It Takes a Village."  I am very thankful for my village.  This honor is not about me, but it is a reflection of those around me who have truly made a difference in my life.  I know that to be true and thank YOU so much for allowing my reflection of you to be one of this year's 40 Under 40.

Peace

And the Amazement Continues

I have to say, sometimes you just can't express, in words, the awesomeness that God shows us.  Sometimes it is just like he opens up the spigot of blessings and lets them fall all around us.

Last week and this week, it seems that He has done just that.

CASA has been blessed with some wonderful support from a great number of people and organizations in our community.  It is almost beyond my ability to comprehend the hearts that our area's residents have.  Just overwhelming and amazing.

To top it all off, I got a message today from a friend from home who I worked with on the Miss Texas County Pageant Board a number of years ago.  She said that all of a sudden she had read my blog and it dawned on her that I was at CASA.  Why does this matter, you may ask?  Because...Miss Texas County's platform this year is in support of CASA and its mission:  our children!  What an amazing coincidence.  Now, I don't even believe in coincidences, since all things happen for a reason.  So, growing up in Houston, having Shari and her family as close friends, serving on the board with her, keeping in touch all these years, going to work at CASA, Shelby Ringdahl coming to Houston, MO to be in the pageant - and winning, these things aren't coincidences...these are things going the way they were meant to go.

So, long story short...I personally am hopeful that we have the next Miss Missouri America coming out of our humble small town of Houston, MO.  I am also very thankful that Ms. Shelby has selected our organization, CASA, as one that is close to her heart.

Did I mention that she is a Kappa Alpah Theta at TCU?  Um, I am not familiar with a lot of sororities, but I DO know that my best friend Trish is a KAT from Ole Miss and that they support CASA on a nationwide scale.  Seriously!?  I know of ONE sorority really well.  What are the odds?

So, hopefully, we will be able to partner with Ms. Ringdahl in the near future, share with her what OUR CASA's are doing here in Missouri, tell her about the great impact our advocates are having on the lives of children in our area, and then...welcome her back to Southwest Missouri in June as the new Miss Missouri America.

Like I said, I don't believe in coincidences...but I won't ever stand in the way of that which is just meant to be.
Good luck Shelby!  Let us know how we can be of support to you and THANK YOU for being a voice for us and the children we serve!

Peace

My Soapbox Moment

It is just right for everyone, sometime in life, to have a soapbox moment.  For many of us, those moments come a little more often than others.  Tonight is the night I am seizing one of those moments.

As most of you know, I am blessed to be the Co-Executive Director ay CASA of Southwest Missouri.  CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocates.  Our mission, simply put, is to give a voice to children who otherwise would not have one.  (that is not the ACTUAL mission STATEMENT, but my paraphrase)

Child abuse and neglect is not a socio-economic issue, it crosses all types of race, income, and status.  However, it is often characterized to be an issue of those who are economically-challenged; living in poverty.  This can be attributed to a number of rationales: drug use, generational neglect and/or abuse, culture, etc.  It can also be explained by the lack of opportunity.  I say this because if you think about it, if those who are at a higher-socio economic level are faced with an abusive relationship, it is often easier (not that it is in ANY way EASY), but easier to remove oneself or ones family from the abuse.  These options are not always available to those at a lower socio-economic level, or if they are, those living in these situations are not aware of the opportunities.

I write all of this to say that abuse and neglect occurs on the north side of town, on the other side of the tracks, those places we 'don't go.'  It also occurs just down the street.  We are not shielded from these atrocities just because we do not see them.  See no evil is not an excuse to not acknowledge its existence.  Children are not privied to 'see no evil.'  They are many times the victims of abuse and neglect that we, as 'outsiders' refuse to see.

Fortunately, that is where our organization comes in, with the cooperation of people who's jobs are to provide for the best interests of our community's children, our neighbor's children, OUR children.  We partner with the Juvenile Justice System, Children's Services, the Child Advocacy Center, the Foster Care Providers, the schools, law enforcement, health officials, and the entire gambit of individuals and groups who take time to care and watch out for the children.

This Sunday, there was a phenomenal story in the Springfield News-Leader about one of our own CASA advocates, Mrs. Jodi Childress-Bowman, who I consider a wonderful individual and friend.  It also included a story about a child named Zoe who also had a CASA.  These stories were testaments to the work our volunteers and partners do EVERY SINGLE DAY!  These volunteers are just people trying to make a difference.  These are volunteers who strive daily TO make a difference.  That is WHAT THEY DO.

At United Way presentations with Mrs. Autumn Porter, I have shared about a child who was represented by a CASA.  They were very young and were in dire need of dental care.  The court had ordered that the dental care be received.  Upon follow-up, the CASA discovered the care was not received...not because the family or the officers did not care, but there is so much to do on a daily basis to take care of each child that some times things just slip through the cracks.  That is NOT how a CASA works.  The CASA brought it to the attention of the team and the child's dental needs were met immediately.  Without the CASA, the child would have waited longer to receive the needed care, and that is not acceptable in any case.  A child who has been abused and/or neglected does not need to be in any more pain than that they have already suffered.

Our system is overwhelmed in Greene County, and that is an understatement.  Last September, the number of children in the foster care system reached over 1130!  1130.  That is more than half the population of my hometown.  That is larger than the size of many high schools in our state...more than many SCHOOL systems.  And...to make this a larger reaching problem, there are not enough homes to place our children in our own county.  Therefore, there are children from Greene County living across our state.  Yes, whether you live in Monett, Willow Springs, Dixon, Greenfield, Houston, Nevada, or Taneyville, you may have a child served by our CASA in your hometown, in your neighborhood, on your street.

Think for a moment.  If the number of children in our foster care system numbers 1130, that means that one out of approximately every 200 people in one place in Springfield are victims of REPORTED abuse (not that which goes unreported).  So, whether you work at a restaurant, a grocery store, a hospital, or a bank, YOU have seen a victim of child abuse EVERY day, and you probably never knew it.  These are our community members, the smallest and most fragile of all.  You see them at Target, Macy's, TJMaxx, Michael's, Harter House, Sam's, Casey's, Wal-Mart, the Movie Theatre.  We are not immune to this problem.  We just don't have it blatantly placed in front of our noses every day.

Maybe we should.  Putting it off on someone else, making it someone else's problem allows us to become removed from the problem itself.  I have been that person.  It was never my issue.  It was always for someone else to take care of.  Well, frankly, that was a cop out.  If nothing else, I should have put my money where my mouth is.  I didn't.  I allowed others to make the difference that I did not have the time, nor the care to make.
Thank God that time goes by and things change.  My eyes have been opened to the sadness that children incur.  It is not the happy childhood that I grew up knowing.  It was not the Andy Griffith family and community I was blessed to have.  It is hell on earth.  For those who believe that hell is so much worse than what can be received on earth, that is fine.  Just know that the gnashing of teeth and fires of hell for just a moment might be a reprieve from the physical, psychological, and emotional damage and pain that a child can go through on a daily, and sometimes constant basis.  I know it is not hell, but that destruction of a childhood is not something of God.

With all of this said, I am so thankful to know that we have so many in our community who constantly reach out to support these children in need.  We have some of the best staff, board, and donors in the world at CASA of Southwest Missouri, and I know that our volunteers cannot be matched by anyone else.  THAT...I would bet ANY politician $10,000 on (and Lord knows I don't have it to lose...so it is a very safe and sound bet!).

In closing, over the next year, our organization will be campaigning for volunteers and supporters.  We will do this by showing "A Year Without CASA."  Highlighting what life would be like for a child without and with a CASA.  It DOES make a difference.

Over this year, we will have opportunities for you to give of yourself to the children in our community.  I know that very few of us have a lot to give, and I will never ask for more of you than you can responsibly do.  The amount of money or time is not the point.  It is the giving of yourself to others in need.  Whether that be through CASA or another worthy cause, just make the difference.

With all of this said, I will share my request for you.  Throughout April, CASA will be raising awareness in conjunction with Child Abuse Prevention Month by our "Change for Children - Raising One Million Pennies."  This opportunity is to raise awareness for this very real and disturbing issue.  The change WE believe in starts with each and every one of us.  In addition, we are going to have our annual Run for a Child, which you have probably viewed numerous times on my Facebook page, on April 14th.  No, you don't have to run (or walk), though I would LOVE it if you could!

So, two things I do request of you.  These are not HUGE commitments, I promise.

First, during April, if you can dig out the CHANGE (or dollars) you find in your couch cushions, in your dresser or junk drawers, in your console, and your pockets...please collect it and bring it to our office...or cash it in at the bank or local store and send a check (it could be for $0.57...it IS the thought that counts). Help us reach our goal of ONE MILLION PENNIES.  We are welcoming churches, banks, organizations, schools, and anyone else who is interested to collect their change to help be agents for change.  Those pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, bills, checks, and credit cards add up!  Everyone can do this!  Just send you change to CASA of Southwest Missouri, PO Box 14364, Springfield, MO  65814 ATTN: Change for Children.

Secondly, my personal plea is for the Run for a Child.  I am personally fundraising for this as well.  My goal is to raise $2000 before the 14th of April.  I know it is a lofty goal.  But...with 718 friends on Facebook, I am hoping that it is not that lofty.  Therefore, I am asking for this.  Please consider that for $4.80 a week you can help provide all of the training materials for a CASA volunteer.  For $19.23 a week you can provide a CASA for a child...in their entirety!  So...I am not asking you to make a year commitment.  I am not even asking for a month.  Just consider a week.  If you can donate $4.80 and we have 51 friends who do that as well...we have provided training materials for a CASA volunteer.  If you can donate $19.23 and we can get 51 people to do that as well...that would be ONE NEW CASA to help abused and neglected children.  If you can do more, that is wonderful and I thank you in advance...but EVERY dollar counts and each contribution no matter WHAT the amount helps us make a difference.

You don't have to make a donation on your own.  Ask your friends, your family to help make a difference.  Go to our Run for a Child website at http://www.ozarkraces.com/fundraising/fundraise.aspx?event=10011&fundraiser=4811.  Click on Donate now and help us advocate for the children.

I will be posting for the next month and a half and hope that you will find it in your heart and in your pocket to help make a difference, no matter how small, to help the kids!  And please, when you are getting out the change, you can TOTALLY keep the pocket lent! :)

Thank you again for each and everyone of your friendships. I am not sure what I would do without such wonderful, compassionate, and caring people in my life.  I can only hope that I might be able to make a difference in the lives of others in the way each of you do in mine.

God bless.

Peace.

It’s such a small, small world.

I am not sure I can say this enough.  Being from a small, small town (well, not uber small, but 2,000 people small) you get used to everyone knowing everyone.  Then, when you move to a bigger town, or city, you expect that to change.  Wrong. 

I, personally, have no problem with the world being small.  It gives it the feeling of a close-knit community in my opinion, and I love that.

Case in point.  I was looking at a post from a friend on facebook, who moved to LA recently.  He was talking about going to dinner.  The waiter (who was also their roommate) happened to have a name that seems OH SO familiar to me.  So…as any good small-town native would do…I looked him up.  Sure enough, I knew who it was.  My previous neighbors, from a few years ago, who I had become good friends with, had a brother who I had met a few times.  He was the waiter/roommate.  Seriously?!  That is in LA people.  What are the chances?

It doesn’t end there.  Working at CASA, I have had the pleasure of getting to know a wonderful couple of guys who have been together for a number of years.  When I first friended them on facebook I had no clue, really, who they were…just that they were very nice and that we had similar commonalities.  Then, talking to one of my best friends, she said, “Oh my God!  Do you remember a few years ago, when my friend and I thought that one of our friends hung out with these guys a lot and we wondered if they were together?”  I said that I recalled that.  “Those two guys are the ones we were talking about.  We know them and think they are great!”  Seriously??  I wander upon two people through work that I have had conversations about in the past?  Odd.

Then, this morning, my friend Kat is telling me about a night she went out a few months ago and was talking to this fellow.  She hadn’t put two and two together until she was looking through her phone last night.  He had entered his number in the phone and she realized it was a guy who I had become friends with…NEVER connecting the dots.  Two separate worlds, two separate experiences, one commonality. 

It just goes to show something, that we all need to remember.  When we meet people, when we see others, they are probably not strangers…even though we might initially think as much.  We, especially here in the Ozarks, but actually on the even larger scale, are often interconnected with each other in many ways.  It is likely you have talked about that person, shared a story with a friend about that person, or have an extra one degree of separation with that person.

So…my point of reason is:  It is a small world.  We are all connected in some way.  Treat everybody as such.

Have a wonderful day everyone!  Enjoy a most beautiful Saturday!

Peace.

The painting

I am not sure what this blog is going to be about.  I had the title in my head and have not a clue why.  We will see where this goes.

I guess when you look at a painting you can see a moment that was caught in someone's mind.  How cool is that?  We get to share in a moment that someone else had in their psyche.  It moved from their mind, through their body and from brush to the canvas.  The smallest adjustment makes so much difference in the words that are conveyed through the result.  A picture is worth so much more than a thousand words.

I think of the painting of the mountain that I have downstairs.  It hung in my Great Grandparents home for as long as I have been alive.  I would stare at it for long stints and think about how awesome it would be to sit on the side of the lake and look up at the majestic peak.  I could actually imagine the breeze and the sounds.  The soft gurgling of the water, the light touch of the wind, the cool moist air hugging the shoreline.  Yet, I have never been to that spot.  The artist had.  They were able to bring those thoughts and responses out of my mind through their creation.  I don't even know if they had been to that lake, or if it was like Bob Ross, making a happy tree and a mountain while talking students through the methods of painting.  I do know that it was in their mind.  It was a moment captured on canvas.  A place where I still visit in my mind whether I see the painting or not.

We all have our own paintings stored in our minds.  Every moment we live could be a painting to share.  The light and bubbly moments that could be expressed through color, the dark and dim moments which could be made into an abstractionist piece, or those experiences that move us to tears, like a picture of a child crying, or of Golgotha.

I lay on the couch in awe that we all have so many paintings inside of us.  We don't all paint, but we all have the ability to share our moments...through words, through song, through prose (yes, I am sure some people still write prose).  It is just up to us to decide what moments are best shared.  We must choose our paintings wisely, for they will affect those who see, hear, and feel what we share for a lifetime; sometimes much longer than that.

So, today, get out your brush, your pen, your instrument - whatever that might be, and share your moments.  There is no time like the present.  

Yep.  That is what I apparently wanted to write tonight.  Very random.

Peace.

A Butterfly in Brazil

I went to an Association of Fundraising Professionals meeting today and came out of it feeling greatly renewed and refreshed.  The presenter was talking about positive psychology.  It was enlightening and I, for one, felt blessed to have sat through the presentation. 

I want to share a couple things he said then I want to talk about something that has been on my heart and mind as of late.

-          There is nothing wrong with you that what’s right with you cannot fix.

-          If we talked to our friends the way we talk to ourselves…we wouldn’t have any friends.

None of the following are correlated to happiness or life satisfaction:

-          Making more money (in fact, materialistic people are less happy)

-          Staying healthy (it’s your subjective view of your health that matters)

-          Getting as much education as possible (no effect)

-          Moving to a different place (no matter where you go, you are still going to wake up with you)

These are such true statements.  Kind of hard to accept, but true, nonetheless.

So, here is where I come full circle to what I have been thinking about and this tied into it pretty darn good.  It is a twofold thought process.  Something about what others think about themselves and then what others think –I – should think about myself. 

First of all, I look around at the people who I know, those who have impacted my life over the years, and I wonder how God can be so wonderful to me.  People with such love of life, appreciation for what they have, gratitude toward their family and friends…just all around wonderful people.  However, for whatever reason, so many of these marvelous and fantastic people don’t see it in themselves.  Maybe they do on occasion, but so often it is lost in the words that they say to themselves (maybe even based on the past and what others have said).  I am saying this, knowing that I am as guilty of this as the next person.  My words to myself are often less than ideal and nothing close to being uplifting.  However, I am working hard on letting myself know that I am a good guy.  

Thinking back to my blog on affirmation…  I think that it is imperative that we share with those around us the good we see in them; the amazingness that they allow us to see.  True, often times, we (myself included) do not allow ourselves to see that amazingness.  I remember a few years ago laying on the bed and saying “I don’t deserve this,’ about something that was too good to be true.  I learned to believe that I did.  And, from that moment on, something clicked.  I was going to be happy.  Come hell or high water, I was going to enjoy the moment.  Live in the moment.  Most recently I lost that moment.  I banged around in my head for weeks, wondering what I had done wrong.  Then, I found myself caught up in another wonderful moment.  Thinking again, what have I done to deserve this? 

Of course, nothing good comes to us easy.  Take Christianity for instance.  The road to hell is easy, yet the road to eternal salvation is simplistic yet difficult.  For all good things take work.  They take effort.  They require determination and drive. 

Thankfully, I have one character trait that I find endearing in myself (and frustrating at the same time).  I do not quit.  I HATE quitting.  I believe that the fight is worth it if the intention is pure and the prize is worth winning.  THAT I am proud of.  I won’t give up…especially if someone tells me I should.  There is nothing like telling the kid that the burner is hot.  Someday…that burner is going to be off and I am going to touch it. 

As for my friends who do not see in themselves what I see.  That is okay.  You have said such wonderful things to me over the years, and recently, that have warmed my heart.  I carry those words with me, especially on days when I am low and down.  I hold them in my heart and remember them fondly.  I cannot fault anyone for not accepting affirmation.  It is damn hard for me.  Yet, I will continue to try, to give compliments, to share what each person means to me.  There is not a moment in my life that someone has not given me some sort of hope.  For that I am blessed.  I know that many people have not had that luxury.  I just hope I can provide it to others when they need it as well.

Now, the second part.  Seriously.  I have been told by so many people what I ‘deserve.’  Matthew, you deserve blah ,blah, blah…you deserve blah, blah, blah…and so on.  Well.  I THANK you for believing in me enough to think that I deserve anything at all.  That is so very kind.  However, I will tell you what I think I deserve.  I deserve to be happy.  Not to be over abundantly joyous at ever moment of the day.  I don’t deserve to be a multi-billionaire overnight.  I don’t deserve a lot.  I do deserve to have what –I – want.  I know what I want and will do what I have to do to get it.  I have done this my whole life.  So far, it has worked for me fairly well.  I think it really boils down to what one of my good friends told my former boss when she was giving a reference.  “You might think that Matthew’s ideas or directions are really far out there or don’t make sense to you.  But, give him the opportunity and let him go.  If you allow him to, he will surprise you.”  So, when you think that I have it ‘all wrong’ or that I am making a ‘bad decision.’  If I decide to follow my heart and you think ‘why the hell would you do that?!’  Please, please, please do me a favor.  Give me that opportunity.  I know that I might fall.  I have fallen hard in the past.  But I have learned very well from my mistakes.  I listen to my heart and my mind.  I pray about everything and believe that the decisions I make are the right ones for me…no matter what others might think. 

Hey, if I listened to what others said to me before, I KNOW I would not be alive today.  I know that to be true.  However, I am.  I am alive, I am blessed, and I am going to make my future.  I have my goals and dreams to achieve.  I am going to do it. 

Thank YOU for your support over the years.  Each person who has been in my life has played a very important role.  The significance of something as simple as a ‘how is ur day?’ can have an effect much greater than that of a butterfly in Brazil affecting a tornado in Texas.  Today, will you make that difference, no matter how small!?  Pick someone you know and just let them know you are thinking of them.  Tell them how much they matter.  I promise…no tornadoes will come of it…just some butterflies and rainbows (for lack of a better phrase!).

Love, thanksgiving, and

Peace

Random thoughts and why I give affirmation.

Today has been one of those days that I really didn't want to do much of anything.  I really enjoyed laying on the couch and catching up on the DVR.  That was actually really relaxing.  Then, I decided that I was going to work on redoing the basement.  Yep...crazy me...deciding to rearrange everything.  The moving process only took a couple hours (I had to move all the snowglobes off the shelving).  Then, I moved the tv and dish box.  Now...the tv doesn't work.  Geez.  Have the cable guy appointment in the morning.  Joy.

Then, when I was putting a piece of furniture in place, I neglected to realize that I had placed two of my Mammaw's candleholders on top of it.  Suddenly they can crashing to the floor and crashed into a gagillion pieces.  Um, I know that they are just candleholders, but it just made me think to myself, "Really?!"  But...life does go on.  Not a big deal in the whole scope of things.  I just have to keep remembering that!

So, those candleholders made me think about how such great 'disasters' of today really have little bearing on tomorrow and how we must all keep that in mind.  I mean putting things in context really gives a good perspective on life.  I broke two old candleholders.  Whooptie doo.  I am still breathing.  I still have my ability to smile and see and sing.  I have great friends and a family.  I am still alive.  I just broke something.

It also made me think about how things in the past have affected me over time.  I lost my best friend to a tragic car accident in high school; Stacey Brown.  I never got to say goodbye.  I can't believe that day lives so vividly in my mind, but when I was thinking back to it, I remember that I grieved for weeks on end.  I couldn't get past the fact that God would take my best friend away.  I hurt.  I was mad.  Her sudden death impacted me in a way that I can still feel today.  I think it is why I want to be close to people.  Want to cherish every moment that I can share with them.  Make each day special.  I never want to have anyone leave this earth thinking that I didn't care enough to let them know how great they are.  How special they are.  How the world is a better place because of them.  I can't live with that again.

I guess I should say.  I remember the night prior to the accident.  It was the Country Music Awards and she was going to come over after church and watch them with me and her boyfriend.  She was irritated at him, I think, and decided to go home instead.  I called her on the phone and was upset and instead of saying something nice, I said uh-huh and hung up the phone.  The last words I said were uh-huh.

That is part of what made me who I am today.  I remember talking to my Mammaw the afternoon before she died.  I was kind of irritated at her that day, but talked to her on the phone and I know that my last words to her were, Mammaw, I love you.  That night I received a phone call that see had passed away at the hospital before anyone even knew she was sick.  That was such a shock.  She was my absolute best friend in the world.  She was my grandma, my mom, my best friend.    Though it was the roughest death I have ever had to deal with I was able to smile knowing that the last thing I said to her was positive and that I loved her.

I say all of this because over the past few years I have had people question my genuineness.  I tell you that you are awesome because you are.  I tell you you are beautiful because you are.  I tell you that I care for you because I do.  I do these things because I do not want to wake up tomorrow and find out that you are gone and think to myself that I didn't tell you what you meant to me.

My friends...you are my friends.  You are special to me.  I wouldn't have you as my friends if that was not true.  My life is a better life because I have each and everyone of you in it.  It is such a blessing and I thank God every day for how fortunate I am to have such great people surrounding me.

You ARE wonderful.  Go to sleep knowing that.  I mean it, or I wouldn't take the time to say it.

Peace.

And...it is finally snowing.

So, it is Monday friends and I woke up this morning and looked outside and saw my favorite part of winter.  SNOW!!  How beautiful it is and reminds us that no matter what our imperfections, they can be covered.  My Auntie 'A' used to say, "Love covers a multitude of faults."  How true that is. 

It has been such an interesting weekend too, very appropriate for the snow to fall today.  I actually woke up for the first Monday in a long time NOT wanting to go to work.  I know, that sounds totally realistic for a Monday, but for the past month work has been a refuge for me.  Home was not where I felt comfortable.  However, now that I am getting everything back in order, I am conent to be there.  And...I have a great friend who is staying with me for a little while and that helps get my mind of things as well!  AND...I am going to redecorate my downstairs and convert my office into another bedroom...THAT is going to be fun!

I also took some time this weekend to reflect on myself and where I am at, and where I am going in life.  I think things are looking up.  I am working on accepting the fact that I am currently alone.  I am going to get out and about and enjoy life to its fullest.  I am not sure how to do the single thing that well...but I know with the help of some friends who have been and continue to be single, I can make the transition alright.

Anyway, with it being Monday and I am getting ready for work, I figured that I would let everyone know that things are looking better.  I am not as conflicted inside as I have been (maybe a little bit still, but not NEAR as bad!).  Things are looking up.  Life is moving on.  I am ready for the ride.  Let's roll!

Peace

Gone but Not Forgotten

This morning I got up late and tried to throw myself together to make it to church.  However, by the time I got close to prepared the appropriate time had passed.  Go figure.  I was dressed up, though, and figured that I should go do something. 

I remembered years ago, spending some time Northwest of Springfield in a quiet place.  It was peaceful and reminded me of home.  The place:  Clear Creek Cemetery. 

Now, to some a cemetery might not seem the most ‘homey’ of places.  Growing up in a funeral home, though, makes it feel like an extension of my home.  So, onto the cemetery I traveled.

As I drove in between the stones to park on the back side, I passed the gazebo.  I loved sitting there.  It was built in the place of a large 100+ year old oak tree that fell softly among the stones over a decade ago. 

I parked the car and got out.  The wind above me was howling through the trees, but the breeze was fairly gentle at my level.  Just enough to tussle my hair around. 

As I walked to the gazebo I took in the expansive rows of stones.  People I had never known.  Those long since past, but at this moment, each of them having an impact on my life today.  Stepping into the gazebo I recalled why I loved this place.  The peace.  It was like returning someplace where you had been before, but once you came back it was if nothing had changed…like you had never gone in the first place. 

I sat down and paid my respects. 

Soon, I began to get a little chilly.  I figured it was best to walk around.  Be among the stones and remember the fragility of life.  I saw a stone in the distance which caught my eye.  It was taller than I, so I wanted to inspect it a little further.  It was from decades past, when the stones were made differently; more ornate.  The craftsmanship had been weathered, but you could tell the pride someone had taken in creating a long-lasting symbol of someone who had passed on from this world.  I could not quite make out the name, but it really didn’t matter.  They were important to someone.  They had made an impact in the world at one time. 

I moved on to a broken stone.  They always break my heart.  It was from the same era as the large memorial, but much simpler…unable to stand up to the test of time.  It had broken in two, as its top laid next to its small piece still standing.  I could not make out the name at all.  Time had worn the indentions away.  The moss had covered the stone as a blanket.  My guess, based on some of the others from that era in that condition, was that it was an infant or small child.  Some of these did not have names.  They were just named ‘infant.’  However, the impact of that child could have been just as great at the person who had the large stone erected in their memory.  Losing a child is so deep seeded in the psyche of the family.  It impacts them for their lifetime.  The large stone was someone who had lived a long life.  Most likely made ripples or waves in the figurative ‘lake’ of life.  However, the child was like a butterfly:  Ever so briefly touching the world with a kiss and a slight flutter of its wings and never knowing the impact that moment had on the world.  What a great thought.  Even a child born for a moment can have a lasting impact on our world.  If that one moment can bring about change, just imagine the difference a full lifetime can have!

I tarried on through the stones seeing last names of those familiar to me.  Most likely no relation, but still bringing to my memory people who had made an impact on my life; however so slight.

Becoming a little chilly, I meandered, ever so slowly, back to the car.  Before getting inside I gave the sign of the cross and gave thanks to the good Lord above for allowing me the opportunity to continue this life I live.  Looking out over the hundreds and hundreds of lives represented, I whispered a thank you and a reminder that each of those resting in peace may be gone, but far from forgotten.

Peace.