I went to an Association of Fundraising Professionals meeting today and came out of it feeling greatly renewed and refreshed. The presenter was talking about positive psychology. It was enlightening and I, for one, felt blessed to have sat through the presentation.
I want to share a couple things he said then I want to talk about something that has been on my heart and mind as of late.
- There is nothing wrong with you that what’s right with you cannot fix.
- If we talked to our friends the way we talk to ourselves…we wouldn’t have any friends.
None of the following are correlated to happiness or life satisfaction:
- Making more money (in fact, materialistic people are less happy)
- Staying healthy (it’s your subjective view of your health that matters)
- Getting as much education as possible (no effect)
- Moving to a different place (no matter where you go, you are still going to wake up with you)
These are such true statements. Kind of hard to accept, but true, nonetheless.
So, here is where I come full circle to what I have been thinking about and this tied into it pretty darn good. It is a twofold thought process. Something about what others think about themselves and then what others think –I – should think about myself.
First of all, I look around at the people who I know, those who have impacted my life over the years, and I wonder how God can be so wonderful to me. People with such love of life, appreciation for what they have, gratitude toward their family and friends…just all around wonderful people. However, for whatever reason, so many of these marvelous and fantastic people don’t see it in themselves. Maybe they do on occasion, but so often it is lost in the words that they say to themselves (maybe even based on the past and what others have said). I am saying this, knowing that I am as guilty of this as the next person. My words to myself are often less than ideal and nothing close to being uplifting. However, I am working hard on letting myself know that I am a good guy.
Thinking back to my blog on affirmation… I think that it is imperative that we share with those around us the good we see in them; the amazingness that they allow us to see. True, often times, we (myself included) do not allow ourselves to see that amazingness. I remember a few years ago laying on the bed and saying “I don’t deserve this,’ about something that was too good to be true. I learned to believe that I did. And, from that moment on, something clicked. I was going to be happy. Come hell or high water, I was going to enjoy the moment. Live in the moment. Most recently I lost that moment. I banged around in my head for weeks, wondering what I had done wrong. Then, I found myself caught up in another wonderful moment. Thinking again, what have I done to deserve this?
Of course, nothing good comes to us easy. Take Christianity for instance. The road to hell is easy, yet the road to eternal salvation is simplistic yet difficult. For all good things take work. They take effort. They require determination and drive.
Thankfully, I have one character trait that I find endearing in myself (and frustrating at the same time). I do not quit. I HATE quitting. I believe that the fight is worth it if the intention is pure and the prize is worth winning. THAT I am proud of. I won’t give up…especially if someone tells me I should. There is nothing like telling the kid that the burner is hot. Someday…that burner is going to be off and I am going to touch it.
As for my friends who do not see in themselves what I see. That is okay. You have said such wonderful things to me over the years, and recently, that have warmed my heart. I carry those words with me, especially on days when I am low and down. I hold them in my heart and remember them fondly. I cannot fault anyone for not accepting affirmation. It is damn hard for me. Yet, I will continue to try, to give compliments, to share what each person means to me. There is not a moment in my life that someone has not given me some sort of hope. For that I am blessed. I know that many people have not had that luxury. I just hope I can provide it to others when they need it as well.
Now, the second part. Seriously. I have been told by so many people what I ‘deserve.’ Matthew, you deserve blah ,blah, blah…you deserve blah, blah, blah…and so on. Well. I THANK you for believing in me enough to think that I deserve anything at all. That is so very kind. However, I will tell you what I think I deserve. I deserve to be happy. Not to be over abundantly joyous at ever moment of the day. I don’t deserve to be a multi-billionaire overnight. I don’t deserve a lot. I do deserve to have what –I – want. I know what I want and will do what I have to do to get it. I have done this my whole life. So far, it has worked for me fairly well. I think it really boils down to what one of my good friends told my former boss when she was giving a reference. “You might think that Matthew’s ideas or directions are really far out there or don’t make sense to you. But, give him the opportunity and let him go. If you allow him to, he will surprise you.” So, when you think that I have it ‘all wrong’ or that I am making a ‘bad decision.’ If I decide to follow my heart and you think ‘why the hell would you do that?!’ Please, please, please do me a favor. Give me that opportunity. I know that I might fall. I have fallen hard in the past. But I have learned very well from my mistakes. I listen to my heart and my mind. I pray about everything and believe that the decisions I make are the right ones for me…no matter what others might think.
Hey, if I listened to what others said to me before, I KNOW I would not be alive today. I know that to be true. However, I am. I am alive, I am blessed, and I am going to make my future. I have my goals and dreams to achieve. I am going to do it.
Thank YOU for your support over the years. Each person who has been in my life has played a very important role. The significance of something as simple as a ‘how is ur day?’ can have an effect much greater than that of a butterfly in Brazil affecting a tornado in Texas. Today, will you make that difference, no matter how small!? Pick someone you know and just let them know you are thinking of them. Tell them how much they matter. I promise…no tornadoes will come of it…just some butterflies and rainbows (for lack of a better phrase!).
Love, thanksgiving, and
Peace
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