Random thoughts and why I give affirmation.

Today has been one of those days that I really didn't want to do much of anything.  I really enjoyed laying on the couch and catching up on the DVR.  That was actually really relaxing.  Then, I decided that I was going to work on redoing the basement.  Yep...crazy me...deciding to rearrange everything.  The moving process only took a couple hours (I had to move all the snowglobes off the shelving).  Then, I moved the tv and dish box.  Now...the tv doesn't work.  Geez.  Have the cable guy appointment in the morning.  Joy.

Then, when I was putting a piece of furniture in place, I neglected to realize that I had placed two of my Mammaw's candleholders on top of it.  Suddenly they can crashing to the floor and crashed into a gagillion pieces.  Um, I know that they are just candleholders, but it just made me think to myself, "Really?!"  But...life does go on.  Not a big deal in the whole scope of things.  I just have to keep remembering that!

So, those candleholders made me think about how such great 'disasters' of today really have little bearing on tomorrow and how we must all keep that in mind.  I mean putting things in context really gives a good perspective on life.  I broke two old candleholders.  Whooptie doo.  I am still breathing.  I still have my ability to smile and see and sing.  I have great friends and a family.  I am still alive.  I just broke something.

It also made me think about how things in the past have affected me over time.  I lost my best friend to a tragic car accident in high school; Stacey Brown.  I never got to say goodbye.  I can't believe that day lives so vividly in my mind, but when I was thinking back to it, I remember that I grieved for weeks on end.  I couldn't get past the fact that God would take my best friend away.  I hurt.  I was mad.  Her sudden death impacted me in a way that I can still feel today.  I think it is why I want to be close to people.  Want to cherish every moment that I can share with them.  Make each day special.  I never want to have anyone leave this earth thinking that I didn't care enough to let them know how great they are.  How special they are.  How the world is a better place because of them.  I can't live with that again.

I guess I should say.  I remember the night prior to the accident.  It was the Country Music Awards and she was going to come over after church and watch them with me and her boyfriend.  She was irritated at him, I think, and decided to go home instead.  I called her on the phone and was upset and instead of saying something nice, I said uh-huh and hung up the phone.  The last words I said were uh-huh.

That is part of what made me who I am today.  I remember talking to my Mammaw the afternoon before she died.  I was kind of irritated at her that day, but talked to her on the phone and I know that my last words to her were, Mammaw, I love you.  That night I received a phone call that see had passed away at the hospital before anyone even knew she was sick.  That was such a shock.  She was my absolute best friend in the world.  She was my grandma, my mom, my best friend.    Though it was the roughest death I have ever had to deal with I was able to smile knowing that the last thing I said to her was positive and that I loved her.

I say all of this because over the past few years I have had people question my genuineness.  I tell you that you are awesome because you are.  I tell you you are beautiful because you are.  I tell you that I care for you because I do.  I do these things because I do not want to wake up tomorrow and find out that you are gone and think to myself that I didn't tell you what you meant to me.

My friends...you are my friends.  You are special to me.  I wouldn't have you as my friends if that was not true.  My life is a better life because I have each and everyone of you in it.  It is such a blessing and I thank God every day for how fortunate I am to have such great people surrounding me.

You ARE wonderful.  Go to sleep knowing that.  I mean it, or I wouldn't take the time to say it.

Peace.