Okay. So, seriously. I have been reading friend's blogs and figured, why can't I do this? I am creative and everyone and their mother would benefit from reading what I have to say, right!?
Well, that sounds really great, but in reality I might have one or two followers (including myself), but wouldn't it be awesome if I were the next Julie from Julie and Julia (which I forgot to put on my favorite movies...ugh)?!
In any case, I like to ramble on about pretty much anything, so it would be most befitting of me to just ramble on endlessly about something for my first blog. Since I think it would be befitting, I shall do just that. Here goes...
When I was only a child, a random lady came up to me and said (with a scary witch-like finger and accompanying shake) "little boy...someday you are going to make a blue hog which will be seen by many people all over the world. This blue hog will share some of your most intimate thoughts and you shall be known by your words. This, I know to be true." She then sauntered off into the night sky, only to be hit by a station wagon with one headlight. She was dead.
Yes, that foggy Halloween night (didn't I mention that is what made it freaky), stands out in my mind as the first time I ever saw a one-headlight vehicle. Well, that and a weird looking lady getting hit by a car.
Over time, the picture of the woman flying through the air like a witch on a broom has faded from my psyche. However, the words she spoke to me never have. In fact, it was not until I was a freshman at Drury College - now Drury University (go Panthers) that I realized that maybe I, in fact, needed to purchase a hog and paint it blue.
There in lies the reason that I did not stay at Drury. I moved home to work at the funeral home (my family's business) and sat out on a quest to create a hog of a different color. Simple solutions, like reading Green Eggs and Ham were not practical. Seriously, I needed to have a BLUE hog, not a green one!! Duh.
I was actually helping my sister get ready for Miss Merrie Christmas her junior year in High School when it came to me. This, while I was painting her shoes a different color of red with nail polish (yes, that is actually a very true story). I realized that I could paint the pig blue with nail polish. But, in the small town of Houston, MO, where was it that I would find blue nail polish.
For weeks, I looked for the elusive blue nail polish. I searched the back corners of the drug store, and rummaged through high school lockers to no avail. Seriously, how can no one in my home town have blue nail polish.
Then, like an angels voice I realized that, oh, it was the doorbell (my point is that it was a pretty sound). In any case, I went to the door and this little feeble woman looked at me, familiarly, and said, "Avon calling." I opened the door and she touched my hand. Her smell, that of the Avon bubble bath ( the orange transparent bottle, not the pink one) was bringing back a memory. But, of what?! I couldn't tell. I thanked her for the booklet and watched her as she walked down the sidewalk, and then out of sight (seriously, you thought she was going to be hit by a car didn't you).
I paused to let Penelope (the hog I had purchased for a temporary subject, I mean pet) in the door and sat down on the couch. Hearing a loud bang, I ran to the door, and you guessed it, that woman was in the middle of the street, sprawled out in front of a Uhaul truck.
I ran to her side as she looked at me with her sunken eyes and pursed lips. She reached to pull my head closer as if she had some last message for the world. She whispered in my ear, so softly, "get rid of the hog, you moron." Then she passed out.
I am not sure, but I am pretty sure that she didn't die, you would think we would have known about something like that. In fact, I am not sure who was driving that big Uhaul. Random how things like that just fade away with time.
As you can imagine, Penelope had to go. Actually, not before I gave her wings and set her to flight. Ok, maybe I am getting things a little mixed up there. I digress, sorry.
Fast forward to today. I laid down on the couch to catch up on some facebook stalking, I mean checking my facebook, and took a gander at a friend's blog. Then, like a freight train...it hit me. Olive needed to go potty. That is why she was doing the potty dance (Olive is the dog, btw). I went outside with her and looked up at the sky and saw what appeared to be a blood moon. Eerie, those are. I swear I heard a voice in the distance cackling "Blue Hog....bbblllluuueee hhhooooggg" right before the squeal of tires. Then sirens. But it was cold, so I went back inside.
Coming back to the computer, and getting online, I decided that I would do this. Share my random thoughts with whoever feels like reading. Frankly, I am kind of bored and should be doing a lot of other stuff right now. But then, you would have never found me by reading my blog. Get it?! Blue hog, blog. Wow. I am just a dork.
Have a wonderful night everyone!
Peace.
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