So, I was at JQH Arena today and walking to the restroom. Out of the corner of my eye I saw it. Something that I actually desired and wanted. There it was; soft, brown, and the perfect size. You know I rarely see something I want...but if I do, I will set my mind to having it. Period. So, there was my desire for this chilly Sunday in January. I was facing an attractive fellow with brown hair (I think)...and a tan colored cashmere jacket. Oh my goodness. How I wanted THAT jacket.
I bolted into the bathroom, wondering if the guy had seen me googling over his tan, perfectly tailored piece of outerwear. I hoped not, cause seriously, could've cared less about the person...seriously folks? I was at a basketball game! I wanted that jacket! So, as I stood in the bathroom I began to feverishly hatch a plan. I was going to walk put of the bathroom and fall on the floor right next to the guy, but first I would have to dispose of my jacket. I look around me (realizing the awkwardness of doing that while at the stall...but people...I had a mission). I determine the best bet it to pull the liner out of the trash can, and place my jacket under the bag. That way, if my plan did not work as intended I could get my current jacket back.
As inconspicuously as one can in a crowded bathroom, I took the trash can lid off the can and began to remove the liner. Man, that thing was HEAVY. As I lifted the bag over the edge of the can, the freakin bottom fell out. Trash went rolling everywhere. Towels, cups, and a couple half eaten containers of cheese fries went all over within a 10 foot circle around me. I looked up in panic. Oh my Lord. I just managed to publicly humiliate myself. Not wanting to be totally embarrassed, I remembered it was Boy Scout day at the game. I drew myself to attention and quickly shouted, "The Boy Scouts who clean this mess up in the next 30 seconds will earn their Toilet Room Trash badge. Go!!" To my great satisfaction I had three scouts on the ground frantically picking up the trash and somehow managed to repair the damaged trash bag in the meantime. I smiled at my brilliance, tossed my jacket in the bottom and patted the proud young men on the back. I shared with them that they would just need to submit a request to the national office to receive their badge, and they went happily on their way.
Okay. Finally. I could continue my plan. I was going to go out of the bathroom, fall on the floor, scream in pain and look at the cashmere jacket and tell the fellow that I was having horrific chills from my hereditary condition 'chilinistophy.' I would, then, with tears and in very obvious pain, ask to borrow his coat until I was warm.
Once I had obtained the coat, I would realize that I had left my pills in my seat and would tell him that I needed to get those and ask if he could give me a moment to do that before I gave him back his jacket. Once out of site I would run to the doors and out into the chilly January air with the most beautiful jacket I had ever seen.
With my plan in mind, I sauntered out of the bathroom looking as nonchalant as possible. I glance to where the jacket had stood and could not locate it. I took a deep breath and looked down the corridors both ways. It was gone! My jacket had disappeared. My plan was useless. I was so sad.
Defeated, I began to walk away and realized that MY jacket was still in the bathroom. Slowly I returned to the place where such horrible drama had occurred moments before. I reached in the trash can to find it with an empty bag and NO JACKET in the bottom. I freaked out! My jacket was gone. Where could it have went!?
I ran out of the restroom and saw a guy, looking vaguely familiar with a jacket that looked like mine. He also had another jacket over his arm. Um...in fact, the jacket HE was wearing looked EXACTLY like mine and the one he had over his arm: cashmere. He hurried turned toward the entrance, glanced over his shoulder and gave me a knowing wink.
Yes, Cashmere Jacket Guy, you have won this time. But...next time I will be ready. With a better plan and a less trendy jacket. But for now, I had to figure out how to get a jacket to wear home. Slowly, but surely, I walk back into the bathroom...
Peace
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